


(Not) Always Brave

by Nillegible



Series: Toujours Pur [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Betrayal, Brothers, Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 08:59:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12503752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nillegible/pseuds/Nillegible
Summary: Why was Sirius convinced that Peter would be the better option for the Potters' secret keeper? The Fidelius charm is designed so that the secret cannot be tortured out of the secret keeper, but Sirius still refuses to accept the responsibility.It leads us to assume that there must have been certain scenarios that Sirius could think of where he might, just might divulge the secret. Even though he'd die for James.It's here that we must remember that Sirius has a family on the other side.





	(Not) Always Brave

**Author's Note:**

> This is a super short piece that I felt explained why Sirius chose to switch with Peter, because the reason he gives in the books is pretty half hearted. There HAS to be a better reason than 'we thought it would be a pretty good trick.'

Sirius doesn't trust himself. That will set into motion the entire tragedy that will take up the remainder of Sirius' life. One day thirteen years from now, Sirius will look into Lily's green eyes on a child with James' furious frown, and confess that he had as good as killed the Potters. Because he was the one who had convinced James to switch.

That child will not ask why. Dumbledore will look at him with sorrow in those bright blue eyes, like he already knows. Remus, won't ever ask but Sirius will see the question on his face when Remus is tired. In the tilt of his mouth, the furrow of his brow. The way he will stare through the children, sometimes, with soft longing for his own friends.

It remains that here and now, Sirius does not trust himself. He is terribly afraid that the Fidelius Charm's secret won't be safe with him. James doesn't understand, has turned down Dumbledore's own offer, because how could James imagine that Sirius Black would _ever_  betray him voluntarily?

For the first time, Sirius feels unworthy of his faith. Because as much as it pains him, he _can_ imagine...it. Imagine faltering. Even though he'd _die_ for James.

Sometimes they forget that Sirius has a family on the other side. He has multiple cousins loyal to the Dark Lord. His baby brother, (his soft-spoken, gentle, barely-legal baby brother, with posters of Voldemort plastered to his walls) is a Death Eater.

Regulus has gone missing. Sirius has been quietly searching for him on the sly, without letting the Order know. Only Remus knows, because he has been helping. No one's seen Regulus in months.

There's disturbingly little he can learn about where he has gone.

Sirius is afraid that one day he'll find _dear_  cousin Bella on his doorstep with a wand to Reg's heart, asking for James and Lily's location. Sirius is a Gryffindor through and through, but maybe...just maybe he's afraid he's not brave enough for that. He tells himself he could do it. He's turned his back on his family, he's been blasted off the tree.

They chose their own side. He tells himself he would choose James. Loyal, brave, brilliant James. His real brother. His everything.

Regulus is probably a murderer by now. The alder and unicorn hair wand he'd watched him buy at Ollivanders' seven years ago must have been turned to the dark arts and used for slaying muggles...but Sirius isn't certain he could do it. Stand and watch, that is, should they choose that method of persuasion.

(And if that's not it, if Regulus hasn't been imprisoned for being insufficiently bloodthirsty or psychotic like Bella or Lucius then where WAS he? No one, on either side of this war, has boasted of killing Regulus. It would be an honour to kill a Black, blood-traitor or faithful or otherwise. Someone should have said...something. Sirius cannot bear the silence. Sometimes he almost wishes that Regulus was dead and there was proof.)

If his brother should appear, tortured, on his doorstep begging for him to give James up or Voldemort would kill him...could Sirius coldly slam the door? (Perhaps he could, for James, but he sure as hell couldn't live with himself after...)

So Sirius is afraid that he is unworthy of James' unfailing faith in him. Because he might falter when it matters the most. He is not willing to gamble when its James' life at stake. Not Harry's and Lily's, lives. His own can be squandered but these are so so precious.

He convinces James to choose the safer person. Little Peter, the loyal follower who looks at James with stars in his eyes. But also Peter, who only has a mum who is decidedly civilian, and is not much of a target. Sirius will be his smokescreen, he will lead the Death Eaters on a merry chase.

And whatever happens...it will still be _okay_ , because should Sirius be tested and found wanting, James would still be perfectly safe.

After all, no one would expect poor unassuming Peter Pettigrew to be harbouring dangerous secrets.

James will be safe.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment with agreements, arguments, alternative interpretations, Anything! I'd love to hear from you.


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